


The Glorious Return of Pink Diamond

by Justmenoworries



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, Don't take it seriously, I wrote this after watching the movie, If you're a Pink/Rose - fan, Non-Graphic Violence, Out of Character, Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz finally gets what she deserves, Swearing, Wish Fulfillment, just a self-indulgent 'what if?'-scenario, minor spoilers for the movie, this is not the fic for you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-11-01 23:03:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20537804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justmenoworries/pseuds/Justmenoworries
Summary: Pink Diamond has miraculously come back to this world. Leaving the Crystal Gems the opportunity to do something they should have done a long time ago.





	The Glorious Return of Pink Diamond

The Crystal Gems looked onto the plaza in Little Homeworld, where a pink light was steadily spreading and growing brighter and brighter. None of them had ever hoped to see this day, yet here it was and they could hardly wait.

Eventually, the light took shape and formed into a beautiful big woman with curly hair in a shoulder-free, poofy white dress. The woman slowly lowered herself onto the ground from where she had been levitating and looked around herself in confusion. Confusion became joy as she saw a Pearl in a light green jacket step out from the crowd.

“Pink Diamond,” Pearl said curtly.

“Pearl! Oh my stars, it’s been so long! I love your new outfit. That jacket and those – what did Greg call them? Pants! Yes that’s right.” Pink’s eyes widened for a moment. “Wait, did you just call me-”

“They know, Pink Diamond,” Pearl said with a tired voice. “All of them.”

“Oh.” Pink blinked and then chuckled. “Well, it had to come out eventually, huh? Guess that means there’s no need to keep up this act.” And with that, she shifted back into her original form, that sheepish grin never leaving her face.

Pearl waited patiently until she was done, then stepped forward. “I suppose you’re wondering how this is possible-”

“I do!” Pink chirped.

“-but explaining would take a long time and the method which we used was too convoluted to fit with our continuity. Not that that has ever stopped us before, but in this particular instance we want to focus on something else.” Pearl took a deep breath and then looked her former lover right in the eyes. “There are a lot of things I want to tell you, Pink Diamond. Wanted to tell you for thousands of years, ever since the war has ended but have never had the opportunity to until now.”

“Yeees, Pearl?” Pink said expectantly, pupils assuming their star-form in anticipation.

Pearl rolled her eyes. “Well, first off: you’re a cunt.”

Pink stared at her. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” Pearl held her hurt gaze without pity. “You are a selfish, hypocritical, childish, thoughtless, immature cunt. I regret ever falling in love with you. You played with me and so many other lives for all of your existence and you only care about people or planets when they amuse or interest you. You don’t give a fuck about the feelings of the gems and humans you hurt. You just see everything around you as a funny game and I don’t know how I could have ever romanticized your depravity. And one more thing.”

Before Pink had the chance to react, Pearl raised her arm and nailed her square in the jaw. Pink reeled and feel backwards, landing square on her butt. She stared up at Pearl in disbelief, tears welling up in her eyes.

“_That _was for putting a hex on me and not breaking it for years even after Homeworld was long gone! And for the hundreds of gems who died fighting for a liar and a coward!” Pearl spat.

“B-but that was _necessary_!” Pink wailed, holding her aching jaw. “I couldn’t risk Blue, Yellow and White to find out!”

“Ah yes and of course you would assume I would just run to them and tattle at the first opportunity,” Pearl snarled. “After all, it isn’t like up until this point I had shown nothing but complete and utter loyalty to you and your cause! It’s not like I literally let myself get poofed over and over again just to protect you and keep the others from finding out! And it’s not like the whole Rose Quartz disguise was _my idea in the first place_ and if the other Diamonds had ever found out I would have been shattered on the spot while you would most likely have gotten off with a light scolding, thus making me the one of the two of us who had more to lose from someone finding out!”

“W-Well, I guess when you put it like that…,” Pink stuttered.

Pearl snorted. “I am. There is a lot more I want to tell you, but my turn is already over.”

“Turn?” Pink asked confused. Pearl turned her back on her without answering and returned to the crowd. Another gem stepped out and walked forward, until she loomed over Pink Diamond. Her face was a mask of fury.

Pink Diamond gulped when she recognized a familiar apron around the gem’s waist. “B-Bismuth, hey! How has life been treating you?”

“Pretty good,” Bismuth answered through gritted teeth, glaring daggers at Pink. “Once someone finally bothered to let me out of your bubble.”

“Okay, I admit that might have been a hasty decision on my part, but to my defense-”

Before she could utter another word, Bismuth’s turned her right hand into a hammer and punched her right across the face. “That was for lying to me, Crazy Legs, Snowflake, Biggs and everyone else you lied to! And for putting me in a bubble when I actually tried to do something to end the war once and for all!”

“B-But you wanted to shatter the other Diamonds!” Pink protested, holding her swollen left cheek. “And shattering is wrong!”

Bismuth just stared at her, anger and incredulity in her eyes. “The Diamonds shatter _millions_ of gems every day! Heck, they did way worse! Ever heard of ‘fusion experiments’? And the Cluster? And they didn’t just do that to Crystal Gems, they did it to their own troops and servants for shit like not being the right color! And you mean to tell me, even knowing that, you would have rather sacrificed a few thousand gems more instead of shattering just three and possibly bring a quick end to an already gruesome war?”

“Errr….”

Bismuth shook her head. “Whatever, cunt. My turn’s up anyway.”

She returned to the crowd, still shaking her head and a smaller gem in a flowing dress walked up to Pink Diamond, dragging a baseball bat behind her.

“Sapphire! Um, what’s the bat for?” Pink asked nervously, eyeing the item as it slowly covered itself in ice.

“For greater impact,” Sapphire stated bluntly, before swinging the now completely engulfed bat right into Pink Diamond’s stomach, barely missing her gem.

“_That_ was for using me and Ruby and lying to us,” she said icily, her one eye looking down at Pink with disgust.

“B-But...you probably wouldn’t have helped me if you’d known,” Pink coughed, holding her stomach.

“So you just decided to make the decision for us?” Sapphire countered, hand gripping the bat so tightly it shook. “I remind you that I have future vision. And that, if you had just told me the truth, I could have actually used it to its full effect. Possibly preventing many deaths and the outcomes of your _tremendously stupid_ shattering-plan.”

“You know about that too?” Pink squeaked.

“Have known for years now, thanks to your son. And it makes me regret that I only brought _one_ bat for my turn.” Sapphire shouldered her bat and walked back to the crowd, leaving an ice trail in her wake.

“At least Ruby doesn’t seem to be here….,” Pink mumbled, rubbing her still aching belly.

“She is,” Sapphire called back. “Just at the end of the line. She couldn’t decide what kind of item she wanted to get for her turn, so she came too late to get a spot in the front.”

“Line?” Pink looked at the crowd more closely and to her horror, she realized that she could just recognize the faint outlines of a line. Many of the gems had also either manifested their weapons or were brandishing regular tools by now. And all of them had the same look of grim determination and anticipation on their faces.

Pink’s eyes widened and she looked around frantically for an escape route. Her eyes landed on a teenage boy with brown hair, wearing a pink varsity jacket, a light-green t-shirt with a golden star and jeans, looking on, hands in his pockets. Pink’s heart, or the gem equivalent of it, skipped a bit when she realized who she was seeing.

“Steven?” she asked.

“Yep,” the boy said.

“You’ve grown so much, I can’t believe it! Um…,” Pink shrunk a little. “Are you going to hit me too?”

“Nah,” Steven said, shrugging. “I’m a pacifist.”

“Great!” Pink beamed. “So you’ll help me?”

Steven snorted. “Heck no.”

“W-What? But I thought you said-”

“Just because I personally don’t believe in violence, doesn’t mean I won’t take the time to enjoy it when it’s happening to someone who really deserves it,” Steven interrupted her. He pulled out a folding chair from behind him that Pink could have sworn hadn’t been there before, along with a bag of popcorn and took a seat. “And honestly? I think it’s about time you got to deal with your own shit, mom.”

He took a piece of a popcorn from the back and nonchalantly threw it into his mouth. “Speaking of, I think you should turn back around. The one who’s turn it is now has been waiting for you to come back a long time.”

With an ever growing feeling of dread, Pink slowly turned her head back to the crowd. Her face went pale when she saw who it was that had come forward now. “Oh no.”

“Hi best friend,” Spinel grinned, winding her inflated fist up. “Long time, no see."

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so after seeing the movie I've started a petition to bring Pink Diamond back to life, so everyone she ever wronged can beat the ever loving shit out of her.  
Benefits would include Steven not having to deal with his mom's crap anymore.


End file.
